Been pretty busy with uni work/socialising and any free time I have i've been playing poker - no time for blogs! Been pretty weird pokerwise. Played the turbos for a little while, didnt make/lose much from the last post. Then kinda went all tilty for a little while... playing cash (NO BEN, NO!) and some turbos out of my roll. Don't really know what the result was overall... I know I had 700$ at stars, and withdrew my last $500, $1000 at pacific and withdrew the last $300 when I realised things were getting a little out of hand. I think I lost another few hundred in there somewhere. Low point was losing a $1200 pot. Flopped the nut straight, other guy pushed on flush draw. Hit of course. *shrug* Didn't feel tilty or angry after that, just kinda numb.
Then again, I withdrew $500 'profit' around this time from messing on cash table at absolute with a spare $20 i had after cashing it all out, so I dont think I lost all too much...maybe. I sort of just realised 'this is not good' and withdrew everything I could to make sure it didn't get any worse. That was a few weeks ago now. Took a week off to sort myself out a bit, and then decided to go back to a winning formula - i redeposited on absolute (scammage seems to have blown over somewhat) to 6-7 table sngs, with rakeback and bonus. Feeling alot more steady/normal. All good.
Also, did the messing around with 20$ left on stars and also ran that up to $500 (in an hour!) withdrew that, then did it again to $380, withdrew that. So thats money safely in my bank, which is cool. So since my last post, i'm probably up actually. I'd estimate tiltage probably cost $1100, but I've made $1380 from cash table messing (in about 4hrs...) It's kinda cool, cos it was literally leftover change in my account, and an hour later I have food money for the next month!
Feeling alot better when playing the sngs, just like it was really. I'm down $75ish, but am certainly running under expectation. I only have about $750 online right now, which is probably a good thing as a precaution, and I'm playing mainly $20 and $30 games, which I'm definately rolled for. Just going to grind them out a bit for a while until I get robusto again. Ahhh, the days when I had $4/5k in my absolute account alone. That's what I'd like to get back to.
*Philosophical self reflection warning*
Felt like I learnt quite alot about what prolonged tilt is like. It's scary. Am glad that I withdrew everything and got my head sorted before playing again. I also think I learned change is not condusive to poker success for me. Playing different structures/buyins/etc just gets me flustered. I'm thinking i'm not really cut-out for the long-term grind. Perhaps I should just play mtts when I feel like it and leave it at that. Every now and then I have a big score - but it's not like i'm grinding the mtts at all, i barely play any. Try and satellite into the bigger mtts/live events maybe. Meh, I don't know. I'm happy grinding the sngs for now. We'll see. Maybe I'll just continually deposit $20 and withdraw $500 an hour later. If only it were that simple! Seriously though, shortstacking against other shortstackers, and continually moving up limits and finding more shortstackers seems crazily profitable. Though I probably just ran like jesus and it would fail dismally if I tried it again.
Anyways, I need sleep.